Let me hold your hand
by oneforfall
Summary: "I learned to love these hands because they've become a constant reminder for me. Whenever I see them, I remember the only person who'll hold me tight and never let me go even when I've lost all faith in them." AU. SebaCiel


_Title: Let me hold your hand_

_Author: oneforfall_

_Fandom: Kuroshitsuji. Particularly for Sebaciel_

_Warning: AU, OOC, BL Fluff, some lemon but not so much_

_Disclaimer: As much as I wanted to, I have not the copyright._

_AN: I originally intended to make half of this for Vincent and Ciel but my mind was a strategist and I ended up making it another SebaCiel._

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**xxXXXxx**

**Let me hold your hand**

**(oneforfall)**

"Sebastian! Sebastian!" He waved his arms the moment he saw me. I gave him a small wave. The sight of him always made me happy. It made me smile. These were one of those sights.

He made his way through the crowd of students from cram school and landed into my arms. "Ah! I'm so sorry. I-" I cut him off in a tight embrace. He overwhelmed my senses. I took note of his scent after a sharp breath-intake. The cold winter air didn't interfere with the" sweet" scent of him.

"Hmm. Lavender." I buried my face in his hair. I felt him flinch. "You heard that?" I asked. I looked at his face and found myself chuckling. His face was red, probably with embarrassment."S-stop laughing!"

I ruffled his locks. "There's nothing wrong with saying 'you smell nice.'" He looked away from my eyes. "There is when you say it like a sick perv," he murmured.

I clicked my tongue. "Ciel, that's just rude!" His eyes widened at me then he started to frown. "Big brother, I'm sorry. It's just that," he looked away from my eyes, "It's odd that you'd say something so 'weird' to me."

I couldn't help but smile. "Then I'll say it more often just to make us closer," I murmured in his hair. His head jerked then stared at me with asking eyes. "What did you say?" "I-It's just that," I looked at him for a moment, "My little brother is becoming a man."

I sighed. "It felt like yesterday, you asked me to hold your hand." I sniffed, acting like a sad adolescent's mother. "Now you're a man." Suddenly, an idea popped into my head.

"You know what? Let's relive that moment. Like when you were in grade school." I stretched my hand out to him. "Come now, let big brother hold your hand."

"B-brother?" I tried to hold back the laugh I had when I saw him gape like a fish out of water. "Are you going to take it?" I ended up letting out a cough. He just stood there, obviously dumbfound. "As I thought," I said.

I brought my hand down and walked ahead. I didn't sense that he didn't follow me. I looked over my shoulder and saw him stand still. "Ciel? Don't just stand there. Come on, let's go home."

Ciel seemed to be in a trance since he flinched when I called out to him. "C-coming," he said. We continued to walk home after he caught up.

The indifferent crowd, the noise and the flashing lights made up the city night scene. It filled up everything within the night except for the air between Ciel and me.

I tugged at my collar. 'What's wrong with the air?' I thought. "It's going to kill me."

I took a peak at Ciel. He seemed too deep in thought to talk to me. 'I wonder why we're even like this. I didn't do anything to upset him. Or is it because I-'

I felt something brush against my hand. I looked down and saw his hand brushing against mine. I thought it was by chance, but it took me a moment to realize it was no 'accident'.

'_Oh. So that's why…_'

With every brush of his hand, I felt my own pulse rise. '_I-I can't take it anymore._' I grabbed his hand and locked his fingers with mine.

Ciel's eyes went out of proportion. "What?" "Sorry. I just couldn't take the suspense anymore," I said with a smile.

"If you wanted to hold big brother's hand, then just say so. I'll gladly hold it for as long as you want me to." I looked into his eyes. '_He wants to cry._'

I ruffled his hair. "You don't need to be so upset. I-"

"I never said that I didn't want to!" he blurted out. "Huh?" I saw him look away, his ears red with embarrassment. "I never said I didn't want to take your 'offer' awhile ago." He tried to raise his scarf. "I-I actually wanted to since I felt happy when you wanted me to."

I stood there, dumbfound. '_I-I have to say something, right?'_ I stared at him as though I'd find the answer from him. Then I felt the fingers of his hand tremble against mine.

It was all it took for me to pull him into my arms and kiss him.

[ ]

"_Sorry for the inconvenience_" the announcement said.

I rubbed the sleep off my eyes. "Where are we?" I looked outside. We're two stations away from our stop. The train wasn't crowded at that time of night.

I tried to raise my arms but the small weight on me wouldn't let me move. "Ciel." I glanced at him. He still slept soundly on my shoulder. '_Tired from cram school as always,_' I thought. I took the time to move the stray strands of hair.

He groaned a bit then went back to sleep. His fingers fidgeted a little then continued to clasp onto mine. Yes, our fingers never parted from the moment we left.

'_I can't believe he wouldn't let go._' I mused at the memory of his small, honest confession. "Who knew you were sensitive?" I glanced at his face. "You just wanted me to hold your hand, now look at you," my grip tightened around his fingers, "You're deep in sleep on my shoulder!"

A small hollow pain ached in my chest_. 'I can't wait to get home'_

[ ]

"Ngh…Sebastian." He breathed out a moan.

"Ciel, come now." I tried to stop the growl in my throat. It was too much already.

"I-I can't!" He gripped onto my shoulders then whimpered.

"Ciel," I held his face, "I want us to come together. Now, let's do it one three. One…"

"Sebastian!" He breathed out my name down my neck.

"Two…"

He started to pant even louder. I tried my best not to go before him. '_Let's be one at last, my sweet._'

"Three," I murmured.

I lifted him up. He groaned out my name in my ear. I shuddered at how tight he was. I reached my own limit.

"S-see, Ciel?" I took a deep breath to stop my pants. "That wasn't bad, right?"

His only response was a small groan at the crook of my neck. I couldn't help but chuckle at how embarrassed he was because of what we did. "Is your foot ok?" He gave a small nod in response.

He sprained his foot on the way out of the station. We couldn't 'sue' anyone, besides the fact that I was 22 and he was 15, just because he slipped on some icy steps.

It took time for him to climb my back but it was obviously worth it indeed.

[ ]

Shared joy is double joy as shared sorrow is half the sorrow indeed.

We left the night scene and found ourselves walking our lonely urban neighborhood, with its streets slowly eaten by the snow and its lamplights acting as spotlights in the cold dark night. However, I found no reason to feel just as lonely with Ciel on my back.

"Sebastian," he said. I hummed in response. "Do you still remember what I told you when we were younger?"

"That's tough. You were so talkative back then that I can't remember half what you said." I got a hit on the chest. "Well, tell me what event you're talking about. You used to tell me so many stories when we were younger." I couldn't help but feel a small ache in my chest. _'You used to, and now you tell me nothing unless I ask you.'_

'_You grow up fast indeed.'_

"Th-that time when dad took us out on that hiking trip. Do you still remember what it was like?" I felt a smile creep up on me. "How could I forget. You were terrified to death when he asked us to walk with him over that mountain side."

He hit me in the chest when I started laughing again. "You try having acrophobia then we'll see whose laughing." He let out a sigh.

"Promise not to laugh at me when I tell you…a secret." From the way he said it, I knew he was serious.

My heart leapt for a moment. "Ah. O-ok. I won't." I smoothly shifted him to free one of my hands. I felt him jolt when I looped my pinky around his. "I promise."

His little finger tightened around mine. "I was so scared at that time. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak." He caressed my finger with his own. "I just wanted to cry and go home when you said we'd be going to that cliff."

"But my mind changed when you came to me with a smile on your face." He pressed his face near my neck. "You asked me to hold your hand. To hold it strong and never let go."

'_Ah. Yes. I remember that._' I thought. Those were one of the memories I enjoyed remembering whenever I felt like I miss him. '_To think that that scared little boy before turned out to be a tough young man after makes me wonder just how tough I had raised him. _'

"I could never forget that," I said. I felt him smile at the crook of my neck. "Remember now what I told you back then?"

I nodded my head. "I do. Crossing that cliff was exasperating because you kept crying, asking if I was going to let go of you now or later." '_I actually wanted to push you off the cliff, but that's a secret I'll keep to my grave for now._'

"But you never let go." He reached for my fingers and clasped them with his. "My hands had already lost their grip on yours, but your hands never lost theirs."

"I learned to love these hands because they've become a constant reminder for me." I watched him gaze at our hands clasped tightly together. "Whenever I see them, I remember the only person who'll hold me tight and never let me go even when I've lost all faith in them. "

He brought his face closer to my hand and pressed them to his face. "I remember you," he said with tears in his eyes. At that moment, my heart stopped. I couldn't move. The world seemed to focus on us and us alone.

"That's why I love you so much." He pressed his lips onto my hand in a gentle kiss. "And I felt so happy when you let me hold your hand again." He gave a weak smile; his eyes filled with tears.

'_I'm so sorry, Ciel, but I have to do this…_'

"Sebastian? Ah-Ah!" I set him down…

"Wah! Wh-what are you doing?" I lifted him in a hug…

"Sebas-mph?" And finally kissed my step-brother where I really wanted to kiss him the most: on the lips.

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_And that ends that logic. **Thank you to Aservis Roturier for helping make this story more interesting ;)**_


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